03 July 2007
on getting old
a good part of last friday night was spent mulling over a fashion theme: retro futuristic. it should not have been hard since back in college, the heights super events team (honorary member em, next in line vittorio and i, et al) would always consider putting up events with similar motifs: industrial luau, oriental blizzard, intergalactic-hellinistic, etc. but then, i realized that the big difference lay in the fact that we were college kids who were simply having fun. last friday's ball was to be taken seriously.
i ended up going in what i had been wearing the whole day at work.
* * *
the preview ball was okay. we arrived just the right time, meaning we experienced the event when there was still space to flit about and the waiters couldn't stop giving you drinks. the photographers were anxious to take our pictures too. the trouble with this lies when they started to ask who we were and what we do. "i'm just me and no, i am not a designer; i'm in adverising." so if you are one of the photographers that night and you come across an image of this nobody in a red button down in your memory chip, i forgive you for deleting it.
* * *
the preview ball was also an opportunity to see andrea again after a long time, and to be with lawrence on a real gimik. these pictures are from his multiply site.
* * *
the truth is that the latter part of the party was kind of a doomsday simulation. the type that would prepare you just in case nazis came over and decided to round us up and stuff us into tiny trailers. but i choose not to complain about it anymore.
i decided that it's time to shed that heavy cloak of pessimism and angst i've been lugging around for the longest time. some things should have just stayed in high school, as i realize now. like my particular discomfort about being an atenean. being defined as simply that and being limited by it gets to you, you know. for example: new at work and i'd hear people refer to me as "yung atenista." the creative director notices that a coma is missing in my copy so then he says "atensita ka pa naman." officemates notice that i always go out for lunch-"atenista ka kasi."
to me, these don't make sense at all. i wouldn't even ask where people are from. those were merely secondary considerations. what became of them is on my priority list.
but then i think it's time to own up to the things that brought me to where i am. hating the world for everything it refuses to give me is simply not cool anymore. perhaps i should also stop underrating myself too and to just go for what i really want to pursue. as my dear friend said "dapat malakas loob mo."
i'm also sick of avoiding to be pretentious. because that's one fucking way of pretending and i just realized that those who love calling on other people's pretenses are the biggest goddam posseurs.
i also kinda think that i know who i am now. which could easier be explained by telling you who i am not. i am not a Writer. plainly, i am a person who does creative writing for fun. i do not wish to claim a spot in the literati landscape and this is not a defensive stance. i have friends who are in that certain circle and i am very much cool with them. at the same time, i have friends who always do drugs but i do not necessarily get high on a regular basis.
hell yeah, life is wonderful.
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