22 June 2006
star carl (carl among stars)carl's confession number 2,876,596: i have always wanted to be a star.
i blame it on the media and hollywood and perhaps even bollywood (though i really haven't seen a bollywood film yet). to me, it was about glitz, glamor and sleaze--just some of the things stardom is associated with. the goddam skeletons in the closet, catfights at the bar, the trashtalking on sunday primetime tv and the partner-swapping--yes, i wanted it all. my face all over the papers, magazines, billboards along edsa and every songhits lining the sidewalk. when i step out of the car, i want people to call out my name, to faint, to create a stampede that the military is compelled to contain the situation.
i want stalkers.
but seriously, apart from the popularity and fame, my attraction towards acting is really all about the fact that i could be a different person in front of the camera. you see, i've always dreamt of being possesed. not by diabolical spirits, but by wacky characters. honestly, although everything mentioned before is very much welcome to happen, acting to me is a craft. just like my writing and sketching, it makes me feel dynamic. alive.
last monday, i had the chance to experience the real deal. (thanks to bobby bonifacio and his crew!) sure i've taken up classes in college but i've never really done a scene in front of rolling cameras before. most of all, i haven't seen my face blown up on the silverscreen.
"your hands are cold. you're nervous!" the staffer said while he was giving me a retouch. (i can't remember which one he is.)
sure, it was a very miniscule part and i only hade one scene. but of all the people in the world, i had to do that one scene with two of our greatest local actors. i had long lines but i think i managed to execute them well enough. all two thousand times the scene was shot. to tell the truth, i thought that it was going to be easy. one take and thanks. not that i was a real doofus and caused take 10's and shit. (in fact, i only had to have the scene repeated once--i started to say gibberish and i had to apologize profusely to mr. albert.) what i failed to realize is that the same scene has to be taken over and over--for angles, reaction shots and live sound recording--which took all afternoon.
i am not complaining. in fact, i am grateful and nostalgic. but now, i know--the glitz, the glamor and the psychotic fans don't come without a price.
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