preamble: i haven't had a love interest for the looongest time and this i'm trying to get a masters degree-slash-i'm busy with my career excuse is getting tired. people without love lives tend to write long journal entries.

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after a whole day of resting chin on palm in front of the office-issued computer, plus a few hours of waiting for louis and bonsai (i almost went insane doing the latter; i got this toy hammer and started to whack it against an officemate and for this, i am extremely sorry--"why don't you try doing that to yourself!"), we went to sake lab at palanca street to have beer under its red neon lights that make us look chicer than necessary. so the beer plus the red lights plus ordeal in the looong first sentence made for a very sleepy carl.

louis and his bro johan (both of whom, i should clarify, are more hetero than the term hetero) were meeting their cousin at grilla later that night because they were pimping some gay friends. this kind of unnerved me because i have been asking all my friends (and i have a lot of those) to set me up with someone for the looongest time. they always all say that they know no one who could possibly deal with my ...err... grade-a personality. seeing that i was in for some extremely-needed adventure, they decided to take me along, go shopping for prospective boys in case the pair don't hit it off. ah, to play spare tire--very flattering indeed.

the other bar wasn't very far but the trip felt like a cross country drive and the first thing i did when we got settled in the long table was not to ask for the drink list. to make a loooong meandering story short, i found myself, or rather, they found me slumped on the chair, legs spread open, snoozing. while i was asleep, louis claimed that the gay guy in front of me was checking me out. i had to correct him. since like me, gay guy was also on the chubby side, he could not possibly want me--he wanted to be me. chubs don't go for fellow chubs; chubs either bash or admire other chubs. i would like to think that the unsolicited stares were that of admiration.

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the lucky fairy who caught my fancy, when i finally awoke that is, was not seated in our long table. rather, he was in the one across from ours, and he was engaged in conversation with what looked like a not so attractive hetero couple. i started flipping in my seat and louis again claimed something funny. he said that the guy looked like our former friend whom i obsessed for back in high school. this was impossible since former friend could fit a whole twin popsies in his mouth without difficulty. this is not an exaggeration; how i wish it was. talk about being swallowed by someone's smile--literally. well this guy did not remotely resemble that former friend; this guy must be the lost triplet of raymond and richard gutierrez.

after longing for like forever, i decided to bring out a pen and grabbed some tissue to write a cute message for him. under said provocative yet demure message ("i really find you cute") was my mobile number. please keep in mind that i have not fully recovered from intoxication yet.

as i drew lucky clovers on the tissue (for added touch), he conveniently decided to leave so i sent one of my friends to run after him to give him the goddam thing. its been days and no text message from a strange number has arrived.

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i should learn the effective ways pick up beautiful strangers and i should learn how to stay awake to be able to do it in time. no more beer from now on, only coco-lychee-tinis. perhaps i should also consider going on a crash diet.

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if you ask me and if you review every thing there is about relationships and love, "you complicate me" would be the more apropriate term, not "you complete me." just typing the latter gives me the shivers. this is not coming from a bitter, aging, loveless, lonely fool, mind you. complicated is not necessarily bad or undesireable. it's just...is. it's complex, meandering, filled with unnecessary twists and turns.

the following image is tired, but consider a roller coaster. riding it is your own prerogative, and you do hop in in spite of all the gravity-defying maneuvers. in fact, the value of a roller coaster is appraised according to how much and how many times it makes its riders feel that their lives are in peril. love, or any kind of relationship, is a roller coaster. at some points in our lives, we all fell in line.

well, i'm still here waiting to be seated.